Making REBT work for you.

 

Sometimes people ask "so, how does this REBT stuff work? Is it a program? What do I do? How do I get started? Don't you have meetings?" The comparison to a larger group system is obvious: aren't there meetings? Steps? Pamphlets to read? Weak coffee to drink?

 

When you come to a forum board in great distress, as I did, you want a starting point, a path, and a finish line. You bring your own notions about terms like recovery and alcoholism, and the process may seem difficult or even impossible. The emotions about personal relations, the remorse for previous behavior, and the side effects of anxiety or depression make it harder to make decisions and take action.

 

REBT principles are pretty simple:

You control your own actions, consciously or not. Beliefs lead to actions and behavior, and irrational beliefs can lead to unhealthy behavior.

REBT stands for

Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, the premise of which is that changing beliefs and thoughts can change emotions and behavior. Drug use is a behavior which can be changed, not a disease.

 

Well, the plan is also pretty simple.

The program is:

·    quit drinking,

·    deal with the physical and mental consequences of that,

·    develop a healthier attitude that prevents you from wanting to drink again, and move on with your life!

 

What's so hard? Most of the difficulty comes from:

1. not acknowledging that the consequences of drinking outweigh the benefits.

2. our perception that it is going to be impossible to quit.

3. not being prepared to deal with the reasons that we drank in the first place.

4. not having a plan in place for dealing with urges.

5. not changing the patterns and routines that encouraged our earlier behavior.

 

There are tools, with catchy abbreviations that make them easy to remember.

Three of the most important are:

1. CBA = Cost Benefit Analysis. This helps us overcome the resistance to taking that first step. It's a simple process in which you write down the costs and benefits of substance abuse, in detail. Helpful with (1) above.

 

2. USA = Unconditional Self Acceptance. This helps us overcome the self-downing and discouragement that make us believe we are bad, and that our drug use is a sign of weak character or bad morals. USA is a principle: You are not your behavior or actions. This can be an important step in overcoming (2) above. UOA = Unconditional Other Acceptance, which is the next step: accepting that others are not their behavior or actions.

 

3. ABC is a tool that helps us deal with emotional distress in a systematic way.

A = the Activating Event that distresses us;

C = the Consequences of that event;

B = the Belief(s) that led to the consequences;

D = how you Dispute those beliefs and make a plan of action to overcome them, and

E = the new Effects of successfully disputing the beliefs.

 

Many people do this as a C-A-B-D-E, or just identify the B and skip directly to the D. ABC's can help with day-to-day upsets involved in (3) above.

 

Changing your language can be a clever way to change your beliefs. Recognizing and avoiding absolute terms such as 'must, should, ought, always, never, need, can't' can help you avoid the beliefs that derive from them: 'I must have that, she shouldn't have done that, I need a drink....' Once you say that you 'prefer' rather than 'need' something, then it's easier to do without it. Try this one on your teenagers!

 

Learning tricks about self-control, disputing irrational beliefs, coping with urges, finding diversions, acquiring motivation--all are tools that help you make your own plan.

 

A good example is DISARM = Destructive Self-Talk Awareness and Refusal Mode (ok, it doesn't really spell 'disarm', but it's easier to remember than 'dstaarm'):

learn to identify both the rational and irrational beliefs you have that lead to drinking, then vigorously dispute the irrational ones and reinforce the rational ones.

A great, simple reminder of how to make progress in the face of adversity is PPP, which stands for Practice, Patience, and Persistence--all characteristics that help us stay on track.

 

Online meetings at various recovery sites provide peer support, guidance from trained advisers, and help you practice techniques. They can help you find the motivation to quit, get you over hurdles, and build your self-confidence.

Forum boards can also be great resources.

 

But you don't 'have' to attend meetings forever (or at all, for that matter). You are in control of your own sobriety.

 

From a SMART Recovery pamphlet:

Scientific research has shown that the people who have successfully recovered, regardless of the method, all have three basic traits:

1. Commitment to sobriety.

2. Change in lifestyle.

3. They rehearse and plan for urges.