My demands trigger the emotions that cause my unhappiness.
Question: How do I know if I currently have any demands?
The clue to knowing when you have irrational demands is
recognizing the distressing emotions, the tension in your body, or the churning
in your mind about whatever it is that you want. These demands can be expressed
in three strengths:
á thinking
out
á emoting
out
á acting
out
Quite often, it is the emotions that will be a signal.
These emotions can be a flag that will alert you that something is awry;
something may bear closer inspection.
Question: What are some of the emotions that can signal
internal distress or demands?
á fear,
frustration, anger, irritation
á worry,
resentment, panic, hate
á impatience,
anxiety, exasperation, fury
Rather than blaming anyone else for anything, we can take
responsibility for what we feel- and therefore, choose the feelings we want to
experiance inside us- even if the outside event doesnÕt change.
The area we want to work with is our thoughts and our progamming
(beliefs), not our actions- not even our emotions. Our emotions will change as
we change our beliefs that cause them. If those beliefs are rigid demands, we
can change them to preferences.
Demands and preferences are both wants and desires- but differ
in intensity and are vastly different in how they effect your enjoyment.
Question: Why do we still hold on to our demands even
though we know they cause us to continually experience distress and
disappointment?
I believe we hold on to our demands because we have the
illusion that we need them. This is based on a misunderstanding of what we mean
by preferences. With A Preference:
á You
can still want what you want.
á You
can still try to make changes.
á You
can still think youÕre right.
á You
can more skillfully achieve your positive intention.
á You
just donÕt have to feel upset or unhappy.
Let your distressful emotions be the signal to ferret out
your irrational demands and turn them into preferences.
Our demands trigger emotions that cause unhappiness.
Preferences never do. Today you have the power to choose happiness or
unhappiness. Which will you choose?