Jenna couldnÕt believe her ears
when her boss told her that the old comfortable computer system she had been
using for years was being replaced with a newer, slicker more sophisticated
system—and she would have to learn the new system and train her eight co-workers.
She suddenly felt her heart
beating hard, and shock was beginning to set in. A million thoughts were racing
through her head.
ÔWhat was wrong with the old
computer system? I havenÕt had to learn something major like this in years. I
used to be the one who knew the system best, now IÕll be on the same playing
field with everyone else I work with.Õ
All of a sudden, that panic turned
to anger. ÔI canÕt believe my boss would do this to me! I have so much going on
in my life, and now hereÕs another thing to worry about!Õ
Then, resistance. ÔIÕm going to
make sure I prove that the computer system we currently have is just fine.
After all, weÕve been using it all these years! IÕll give my boss all the
reasons why we shouldnÕt switch.Õ
As JennaÕs day went on, she got
herself so worked up that she failed to complete the items on todayÕs To Do
list. She went home and decided she was too upset to do the laundry she planned
to do tonight. And when she went to bed, it was a restless night as she tossed
and turned thinking about this computer system change.
Of course, by the next day, things
were even worse. Because she couldnÕt sleep the previous night, she woke up
late and now had to rush to get to work. She opened her closet to grab the peach
shirt she wanted to wear for a client meeting today, only to remember that it
was in the laundry pile that she never got to last night. Finally, she got to
work and her To Do list was double what it normally was, because it included
both todayÕs new work, plus yesterdayÕs work.
In the end, after going through
another week of frustration being caused in her own mind, the new computer
system was installed, Jenna began learning it, she managed to set up a training
system and she even began liking it after all.
When Jenna learned of this change
that was going to take place, she met SARA:
1. (S)
Shock
2. (A)
Anger
3. (R)
Resistance
4. (A)
Acceptance
Most people meet SARA when
something in their lives is going to change that they are not happy about and
that they feel they have little control over. ItÕs a natural process.
Some people are actually able to
get through the four stages of SARA in minutes, while others can spend days,
weeks, months or even years dealing with each of the stages.
The only way to begin dealing with
the change in a progressive, productive and stress-free manner is to get to the
Acceptance cycle as quickly as possible. This is the most organized and
efficient way to handle change.
Nothing is being solved when youÕre
in the Shock, Anger or Resistance stages. In fact, in these three stages, one
is most likely to fall behind on her daily tasks, and to waste tons of precious
time feeling down.
In some instances, change that is Ôlife-changingÕ
is more difficult to get through. For example, itÕs not very easy to deal with
a loved one getting ill.
However, ninety-nine percent of
the changes happening every day, are not Ôlife-changing.Õ Basically, most
changes take us just a bit out of our comfort zones leading us into new
experiences weÕre not yet familiar with. This doesnÕt have to be as scary as it
may sound.
Here are a few simple ways to
organize your mind for change:
When you learn of a change in your
life as you feel shock beginning to set in, think of SARA. Take a deep breath
and keep repeating to yourself that you will get through this, just as youÕve
gotten through other changes in your life.
For example, maybe your favorite
store closed down, or your best friend moved to another state or your bank has
a new system for making deposits. If you really think about it,
youÕve probably dealt with
thousands of changes in your life, and managed to get through each one just
fine.
Anger generally occurs when one is
feeling out of control. In JennaÕs situation, she was out of control as far as
the computer system being switched. It was going to be switched whether she
liked it or not. However, she was in control of how she was feeling—although
she didnÕt realize it. She focused on all the negative aspects and didnÕt even
think about all the positive aspects that would come later from this new
system.
Write up a list of all the
positive things you could think of that will come from the changes in your
life.
For example, Jenna might have
written a list that looked something like:
á
a) Once I learn it, IÕll have less tedious work which
will give me more time to focus on other more challenging projects that IÕve
been putting off.
á
b) It will ensure my work is more accurate.
á
c) It will give me the opportunity to show my boss how
good I am at training others.
Resisting a change thatÕs going to
happen regardless of your resistance is not a good use of your time.
Try to re-focus your thoughts and
your energy on the new opportunities, new challenges and new ways to grow that
are now ahead of you. The sooner you embrace those changes, the sooner theyÕll
be part of your regular comfortable daily routine.
In JennaÕs case, she neglected to
do the laundry because she was so upset and resistant about this pending
change. But this type of thinking did nothing more than force her to fall
behind on her laundry. Instead, she could have done the laundry and used that
time thinking of how she would begin approaching this new change in a
constructive manner.
Once you start focusing on the
opportunities ahead, instead of the change and begin working on the details
about how youÕre going to begin managing this change, youÕve reached the most
productive stage of SARA—the acceptance stage.
In JennaÕs case, she finally accepted
that the computer system was going to change, no matter what. So now, she had a
decision to make. In her case, there were only 2 decisions: a) embrace the
change and start learning the system or b) get herself another job—more
change! Jenna decided to just learn the new system.
Get a set of index cards. On each,
write down one specific thing youÕre going to do to begin managing this change.
JennaÕs cards might include:
á
a) Meet with the programmers to determine the benefits
of the new system, so I could begin familiarizing the other staff members.
á
b) Determine what has to be learned and make a list of
those items.
á
c) Set a timeline to learn each part, etc. etc.
Remember SARA when you have to
deal with a change in your life. Knowing and acknowledging her will help you
keep your mind organized, your time productive and your life as stress-free as
possible.
ÒLife is not the way itÕs SUPPOSED
to be. ItÕs the way it IS. The way you cope with it makes the difference.Ó
-Virginia Satir
Meet SARA! written by longtime SMART Recovery
member ÔMarkyÕ, reprinted with permission.